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| How it feels returning to a dormant blog. |
Me: [Opens door cautiously, after more than two months away. It lets out a long squeak. The air is stale. I enter.]
You: [Stepping out of the shadows into a beam of light that shines through a hole in the roof] Well, well, well... Look what the cat drag-
Me: -AH! What? You get to start this convo?
You: Yeah, dude. I've been here this whole time. But you haven't. Where have you been?
Me: Things have been... hectic. But, sorry, you've just been in here? Waiting for the next post?
You: No rest for the hypothetical, bro.
Me: Yikes. Is every blog like this?
You: Yes.
Me: There must be millions like you.
You: Millions. And we're very disappointed in you lot.
You: So... What's your excuse?
Me: Standard stuff. Work. Vacation. Zelda. More work. Huge wall of wind wrecked shop across the region.
You: Wall of wind?
Me: You didn't hear about this? It was wild. A massive, 100+-mile-per-hour wind tore through Oklahoma. Trees and powerlines were knocked down all over. We were without power for a week, internet for two.
You: Sounds miserable.
Me: It was.
You: But it only lasted a week, huh?
Me: Short compared to what you have been going through, I know. But at least it's cool in here. No AC is murder in the Oklahoma summer.
You: Temperature doesn't affect me.
Me: Really? How lucky for you.
You: Yes.
Me: ...
You: Go ahead.
Me: Huh?
You: I don't feel temperature. Something must be up with me. What do you want to know?
Me: Oh, I already know what you are. You're a manifestation of my guilt, here in place of a reader base. I need some sort of motivation, so you're it. Because otherwise my anxiety would mean nothing. And I very much need it to mean something... That's about it, right?
You: Oh, you wish I was a manifestation of your anxiety. It's much simpler - and therefore much worse - that that. I'm just a clumsy transition device. You wanted to get back into this, but you need to explain your absence. Because you think people will notice and look down on you. So here I am, filling in the blank - a hook and a distraction. You think my existence is quite clever. It's embarrassing.
Me: I wouldn't use the word "clever."
You: Aren't you the one writing this?
Me: Fair enough. But maybe you're confronting me because I desperately want to diminish the anxiety. I'm covering my tracks by having you declare yourself as less than that. You are of course useful for getting me back on track. But you are also a real pain in the ass - a nagging in the back of my brain that I am finally caving to now that I have more time.
You: Do you have more time?
Me: No.
You: But you're going to try again?
Me: I guess. I still need an outlet. I might try to mix things up a little.
You: How?
Me: Getting out more, maybe. Highlighting small town theaters? Attending film festivals? Being less consistent?
You: Big dreams?
Me: Listen, it's this or therapy. And we both know I'm not going to find time for that.
You: But you should.
Me: Yeah, I know. I also need to get my wisdom teeth out. And patch the fence after the big wind took it down. And drink more water. Baby steps, pal.
You: Hmm...
Me: Hmm...
You: So movies, yeah?
Me: They're the best! You got those in here?
You: I am imaginary. So no, but also yes. In a vicarious way. Through you.
Me: Neat.
You: ...Sure. Seen anything good during your sabbatical?
Me: Of course! Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. was really lovely. I watched Ozu's Good Morning on a plane, which felt right for some reason. Caught Shrek 2 with full orchestra accompaniment while in Seattle, which felt wrong in all the right ways. Uhh... Across the Spider-Verse lived up to the hype. No Hard Feelings and Joy Ride were both funny. Past Lives, great. Asteroid City, also great, but Anderson's framing devices are really getting out of control. Every Body and We Will Speak are two of the most inspiring docs I've seen in quite some time. Caught the latter at the Circle Cinema Film Festival last week.
You: But did you see Fast X?
Me: I don't want to talk about that.
You: The Little Mermaid? You like Lin-Manuel Miranda...
Me: Stop!
You: Indy 5?
Me: Dead Reckoning, Part 1 did most of it better... The Cruise vibes are weird in that one though.
You: How so?
Me: Well, at one point he gets very Jesus-y.
You: Like preachy?
Me: No, there's just a savior complex motif that's kind of gotten too overt. And then he declares he is going to kill someone else's god. It's about AI, so it's possible he's just venting about the state of moviemaking... but also he might be off the rails.
You: But the movie is fun?
Me: SO FUN. It and Spider-Verse have sort of saved blockbusters this summer.
You: Elemental?
Me: Sweet. Messy, but thoughtful. Surprisingly small-scale for Pixar.
You: Anything else?
Me: Book club is watching through all the movies set in the Predator and Alien universe. Turns out the only good Predator is Prey.
You: Sounds kind of blasphemous.
Me: I'm fine with that.
You: So what's next? You're back. You're rested.
Me: I never said that.
You: You're... not that tired.
Me: Better.
You: Meaning... Barbenheimer review?
Me: Barbenheimer review. Seeing them back-to-back tomorrow. I'll try to have it up in the next week.
You: But no promises.
Me: No promises.
You: Fool me once, blah blah blah...
Me: ...Fool me twice, you're Moviepass.
You: Back on that grind, huh?
Me: Gotta go! Bye! [Turns to run. Rams through plate glass window. Rolls down hill. Ping pongs around traffic. Launches off semi. Catches on landing gear of traffic helicopter. Drops during sharp turn. Smashes through roof. Lands in AMC theatre chair just as the previews start to roll. Brushes self off. Coughs out some dust.] Okay... Let's do this.
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