MEAN GIRLS - A Review

These are obviously the coolest kids on campus. Why are you so stupid, high schoolers? 

I want to get this out of the way: Although I was a junior in high school when the first movie came out, I did not worship at the altar of Mean Girls. I didn't see it until its DVD release, liked it well enough, but didn't return to it for a decade. Those two screenings didn't leave much of an impression. I remember a kid at the beginning talking about God giving us guns to fight "the dinosaurs and the homosexuals" (biting satire for a progressive kid educated at a small Christian K-12), and a strong focus on cliques (which we didn't really have in said Christian K-12 of maybe 600 students). But mostly I remember it making me feel bad, because everyone in the 2004 movie was so terrible to each other. I still found it funny and appreciated the callbacks in social circles (mostly yelled phrases like "She doesn't even go here!" or "You can't sit with us!"), but the Mean part of the title was a little too accurate.

This could all explain why I liked this, the fourth-ish (It was a parenting book?) iteration of the story and a translation of the Broadway hit, better than the original. It probably reads as basic or declawed to fans of the 2004 version, but I found it to be more empathetic than its cinematic predecessor. Partially because the core performances don't come across as sinister, partially because I am now in my 30s and no longer fear running into any of these characters in the real world, and largely because, yes, the musical is way less aggressive than the non-musical. And that's for the best.

The musical doesn't stray too far from the story of the original, though it does accelerate through the setup in an equally satisfying and blatantly calculated way. Cady (Angourie Rice, one of Peter Parker's classmates in the MCU Spider-Man movies) grew up in an unspecified African wilderness somewhere (literally never comes up again and takes up less than half of her intro song), homeschooled by her zoologist(?) mother (The Office's Jenna Fischer), but suddenly finds herself back in the U.S. and entering public school for the first time. She's an outsider who immediately falls in with two groups - artsy outcasts Janis and Damian (Moana's Auli'i Cravalho and Tony nominee Jaquel Spicy - both outstanding) and the Plastics, a trio of snotty popular girls (although their "exclusivity" makes their pack feel kind of pathetic... Maybe that's intentional?). Janis and Damian seem more genuine in their interest, though they have ulterior motives: they want Cady to get in good with the Plastics so they can bring down their "queen bee" Regina George (Reneé Rapp, reprising her role from the Broadway production), with whom they have beef. And she agrees, because... she's young and naïve? It doesn't matter. There's a boy (Christopher Briney) involved, and Cady soon wants her own revenge on Regina, but will she get lost in the role and take things to far? You already know she will. It's a musical. Set in a high school. (And you've seen the Lohan movie.)

It's familiar, but it works. The music is doing a lot of heavy lifting. Jeff Richmond's songs are snappy and varied and never outstay their welcome (if anything, most are too short) - none quite as good as 30 Rock's "Werewolf Bar Mitzvah", but the occasional lyric gets close to the transcendent line "Boys becoming men, men becoming WOLVES!" Some of the actors feel like they're holding back during their songs, but this is where Rapp and Cravalho shine as friends-turned-rivals Regina and Janis. Each has such command over their roles that the attention is drawn more to them than Cady, centering the story around their shared pain and pettiness. It's easier to feel for each of them, which in turn sharpens as the film's messaging around the toxicity and fragility of high school ecosystems - mostly regarding young women. This film is less concerned (I think, but again it has been a minute) with Cady's loss of innocence and more with collective, cyclical trauma. Whether this is a biproduct or an intentional shift in Tina Fey's third script for this story, the music makes all the difference. Don't expect tears, but these are moving pieces.

The cast is full of standout supporting performances. Avantika Vandanapu, maybe the only actual teen in the mix, steals every scene she's in as Regina's not-so-bright subordinate Karen. Rounding out the Plastics is Bene Wood as Gretchen, the most tightly-wound (and therefore most sympathetic) member of the Plastics. Tina Fey and Tim Meadows reprise their roles from the 2004 film, and the age bump makes their overtaxed characters more believable than ever. Comedy stalwarts Jon Hamm, Busy Phillips, Ashley Park (who played Gretchen on Broadway I am just now learning from Wikipedia), Dead Eyes host Connor Ratliff and the aforementioned Jenna Fischer make up the rest of the adults, each doing a fine job getting in and out of the movie without taking attention away from the younger stars.

It may contain less venom now, and some of the plot devices may not have aged well (There's no way, for example, these kids would have made a scrapbook of slams against their fellow classmates, but luckily the filmmakers know this and added a toss-away line about it being made during "the week they took our phones away."), but there are enough modern and classical tweaks (TikTok framing for the former, Janis and Damian being sometimes-omniscient narrators for the latter) to make up for the toll time has taken during the twenty year journey from screen to stage to screen again. We're three covert musicals into the winter season, and while it may not be the best of the lot (Wonka still holds that distinction), it's still a great way to spend a dreary January afternoon. It might also be the best iteration of Mean Girls yet. I'll say it. Or presume it? I really should rewatch the original. But until that happens I'm proclaiming this one superior.

Do with that what you will. Put me in your Burn Book. What do I care? I'm an adult now.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ 1/2 (out of 5)